The rest are too expensive. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. 31. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". 18. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Its called tomorrow. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. I am lazy till I get a motive. The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. Cindy from Marzahn. Not everyone has to like me. Its okay if people dont like me. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. 82. 20. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. 39. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 258. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Never judge a book by its movie. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . 165. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. Cry a river. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? What do I do for a living? I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 64. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. 94. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. Benjamin Franklin. 150. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 27. Looking for positive funny affirmations? It has nothing new to tell you. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. 92. I thought you said extra fries. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". 275. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. I enjoy every minute of it. - George Burns. 30. 58. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. 252. Socrates. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. Your words become your actions. 244. I tell you what always catches my eye. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. How do you count cows? 99. 52. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. "If you see me talking to myself. Theres life without Facebook and internet? Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. Enjoy! You were too lazy to read that number. I choose to stop obsessing about my body. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. 31. 169. 57. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 101. 84. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 142. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? 21. My friends are like rocks, they help me through hard times. 50. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. 25. Keep your affirmations in the present. Friends buy you food. 173. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. The library, because it has so many stories. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Steven Wright Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 1. 151. 67. 230. - Christopher Reeve. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. 161. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. 4. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. All you need is love. I tell you what always catches my eye. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. 60. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. Charles M. Schulz. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. 276. 22. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. 273. 139. Use this space for describing your block. 215. 239. Robert Bloch. Theres no stopping me now. 174. Never take life seriously. Why did the school kids eat their homework? And a funny bone., 10. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. When they go away, its a brighter day. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. You deserve it! Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. 53. 266. 168. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. grateful. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. 273. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. I can do this. 234. 238. 39. How do trees access the internet? Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. The rest are too expensive. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". 128. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. 149. Rome wasnt built in a day. Stuart Turner When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. 119. For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. 1. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. 1. 7. 235. A backbone. 4. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. 12. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. 58. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. 193. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . When the past comes knocking, dont answer. 76. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. You can only be young once. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. 152. 59. 2. My jokes do. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. 268. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. 113. - Bob Hope. Bill Murray. 3. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? We'll get to that later. 61. 41. I did not trip and fall. I never apologize. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. Unknown. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. Art doesnt transform. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. 22. 109. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. 43. Youre talking to yourself. I intend to live forever. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". 217. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. Stop trying to make everyone happy. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. A wishbone. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. I am grateful for that time. 13. 62. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . Sincerely, yourself. Franklin Jones, 259. Albert King 7. Art doesnt transform. He who laughs last didnt get it. 113. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. 115. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. 104. I feel great. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 16. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. 157. ~ Bill Gates. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. 153. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Not me, but somebody does. Nothing, they just waved. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. It just plain forms. 236. 177. Shoot for the moon. Those who snore always fall asleep first. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. 1. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Frances McDormand 3. 44. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. 97. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. I make the right choices every time. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. Today, I am thankful for this week. Why was six scared of seven? 196. (John 14:27) 27. Robert Bloch I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. P.D. 25. 131. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. - Unknown. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. 129. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. 266. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. Nothing, they just waved. Steve Martin -Katrina Bowden. I breathe in and out. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. I release all shame about my body. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. 19. 199. 233. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Hes dreaming too. I am positive. But even if this does happen, who cares? Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. 119. When life closes a door, just open it again. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. 275. 232. 211. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. 5. 170. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. I enjoy every minute of it. 1. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. 172. 141. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes., 2. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you.
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