What are you doing this weekend? LWs parent. "I'm having a productive day.". I am definitely not math or sciencey, just like my me time, so that wouldnt have occurred to me. Paris color stylo eye shadow neon skirt Paris color riche le stylo eye shadow bronzed How much vitamin c does a clementine have Loreal paris color riche stylo smoky eye avant azure What to get a guy for valentine's day Paris stylo smoky eye shadow hollywood Why is friendship better than relationship Desculpa para sair mais cedo do trabalho View Each Day as an Opportunity, Not an Obligation, Everything That You Can't do Because You Have Kids. Yep yep yep. I like to use Oh, you know, just some of the usual weekend stuff. I guess the conclusion is, ask more directly up front, and if I know someone has a hard time saying no, make sure I explicitly say, its okay to say no, or something similar. 2. This is such a common question, and I have a memory like a sieve, and once or twice replied Nothing much and accepted invitations which ended up double booking myself. These are my 2 best friends for over 20 years each! While having to put up with gday, mate lacks the structural oppression of whats aimed at POC, it is still annoying. Him: What are your plans for the weekend? Lessons in Love from Julia Roberts Movies true tho like next t inme ill say this and it will. interactions that I think stand a significant chance of blowing up in peoples faces. Btw, the annoyed reaction at go to the airport and the misunderstanding re: grandma could be exactly because she is used to you making decisions for her and expecting her to follow through. But it needs to be a set rent, that can be codified and set down in a form you could use with any other adult, should the fancy take you. You have to answer the . Thank you. After some reflection, my normal version of this (me asking) is You free this weekend? If you want to invite them, INVITE. No, they just assume that you will want to do the thing. You wonder where he'll take you. From the sound of it, this is a dynamic already in place where LW faces various sorts of family opprobrium if LW turns down the cousin, and this is what LW is reacting to. Thats because I regard is as manipulative and Im very surprised that some people consider it a way to make saying no easier instead of harder. In general, most people will expect a response like this when they . Any event. Its not over-sensitivity when people react to it theyre reacting to what they know is likely to be underneath it. They also influence how OFTEN. Maybe we could get together. This sentence should never be solo. And I have to say, my, Toss her out and let her adult, is in flat contradiction to my frequent assertion that successful launching has been economically tough for young adults for some time now. That takes some skill. I actually liked her kid, and if shed just said she needed a sitter instead of tricking me into it, I wouldnt have minded babysitting.I ended up filling that child with sugar and caffeinated soda (he had a grand time), and forever answering Im so busy, ugh to all future questions about my plans. I am admittedly very sensitive to potential power issues, so I have a hard time seeing when theyre really there and when Im just reacting as though they are. E- Enjoying. I know theyre just trying to be friendly but it gets exhausting that starting Wednesday I have to deal with so what are you up to this weekend and then AGAIN on Monday what did you do this weekend? (So I guess Tuesday is the only day safe from that question, ha. Its usually along the lines of what are you doing on April 17th? Of course I dont likely have plans that far away, and I feel tricked into committing to be his date for some boring thing on a precious Saturday evening. I get what are you doing this weekend? or just what are you doing? on a Saturday morning. Just kind of wanting to converse by text or something. I also dont hesitate to tell people, Id have to check my calendar, what about you? in response to this kind of question! Best of luck to you, dear LW! . Its also tripping flags in your head, which is infinitely more important. LW gets that we all know this, and should be less friggin bigoted about shoving our nosy questions at a population for whom nosy questions are constantly tied to real threats of violence. Or at least, it will be seen as rude by many people that I know and had had this conversation with. I am fond of: Oh, you know how it is. Just treating it as a question of not disclosing/being private is entirely the wrong approach. As a young black woman in the US, she of course had been steeped in spotting such people her whole life. Suggesting someones internal dialogue over a situation is a pretty extreme response feels blame-y and a way to police someones (totally valid) feels. (I am also not her only parent, so I dont get to act unilaterally. Except LW specifically said that with the peer-friends who are not using it as entrapment, LW doesnt find it problematic at all. Once upon a time I had a friend. I dont remember why anymore but at some point I agreed to share my google calendar with this friend. I think the idea at first was to make it easier to plan hangouts. If I were any better, I'd be you. They see how often constantly males can throw a tantrum about how theyre being bitches, where the males only complaint is, I asked her questions, and she refused to answer! That alone is enough for him to feel justified in escalating the threats, anger, violence. Depends, why?, even if said with humour, does tell the asker that I might be open, but that itll depend on the contents of the invitation. !" 1. I think my own culture is more ask-y, but I had a pretty pushover personality and often felt, well, pushed around by the people around me. Im glad for the above scripts! (I know that I dont want to is in fact a perfectly valid excuse. It was glorious. Climbing mt laundry! Especially if I have reason to suspect its just going to be some variation of wanna hang out? if you have something concrete to suggest, lead with that! Its just in the past year or so that its cropped up repeatedly, with different people at different establishments. What he sounds like to me is the dweebs in engineering school who would pull this routine. Nothing much. So if someone said What are you doing next Thursday? I imagine they said Would you like to do something on Thursday? I feel like its asking me to say yes or no to an invitation / commitment before I even know what it is (like, if youre having a party I might be free, but my babysitting quota is full for the month so no to that). person: Hey, hiya, rya? More and more, Ive been owning that I dont ever have to say yes. Oh, sorry, I cant., What are you doing Thursday night? I know whats best for me. If they continue after that, theyre super pushy and rude and Ill say as much. Funny Responses To What Are You Doing Actively waiting for my problems to go away. They think I cant give a soft no because Ive already said Im not busy and I cant give a hard no because Im a woman. Youve also brought up some generational preferences on communications. I can get behind being annoyed with the sister whos trying to manipulate her into babysitting, but I think theyre reading a lot into the question when its being asked casually. Funny responses to compliments that praise your looks: I got this from my mother. I ticked the following boxes: 1) had conversation, 2) got her to talk about herself, 3) gave her questions so she could talk about herself some more to make her feel good, 4) she was talking to me, AND I saw her smile! Since the question what are you doing this weekend? has, like, 18 possible meanings, many of which *can* involve power plays, it just breaks my brain. Good to know! So now as far as she knows, I am very very very busy. Them We need to have lunch soon (Say it like he or she is complimenting you even though he or she is not.) I have strong memories of my MIL telling my husband, shortly after wed married, I need you to clean out the gutters. Or maybe you need to come this weekend and clean out the gutters. I really minded that! You're going to want to keep your messages quite a bit shorter on apps like Tinder and Bumble .) Im asking because you absolutely will pay for it in terms of impacts on the long-term relationship with the person she will become. Usually, the asker will tell me why they asked after I answer, no matter what the answer is (busy, not busy, dont know). How am I right now? Just make sure to follow these three rules for sending Tinder messages: Keep it PG-13, even on Tinder. Tell me more! Of course I would never do this it would be returning the aggression but its a real puzzle to me. Nobody seems to be doing well by this arrangement. Im also self employed and use a similar excuse. One morning when we were together he asked, So what are your plans for tonight? I said, Oh I dont know. is how this has been explained to me, and it makes perfect sense. Id like to get you to take out the trash.), There *is* a certain amount of call on her time that I -do- feel entitled to (she lives in my home, not hers; shes a member of my family). In this case it has the added benefit of short-circuiting the waiting for you to say nothing so I can guilt you into babysitting gambit. An alternative then is to actually mention the fact that you are sending them an email. If they really are trying to manipulate you then Im afraid having just the right words wont fix it you will probably have to say no directly when they finally get to their request. Call me. Does *your* phone not work? Am I supposed to answer? I also use ooh, Im not sure whether Im driving my stepson to his Dads that weekend, Ill have to check for longer-term put-offs. I get the friendly sentiment, but its not always welcome and people would do well to use more discretion. But when its a thing I -did- want to go to, its 100% better to ensure that I have made plans for the actual event and not have to deal with last minute changes due to someones mistake or mishearing. Theres just no way, you see, that this is what a womans mind does, what she is for. I used to feel guilty about that until I framed it in my mind that its disingenuous to ask about my weekend as entrapment instead of asking me an honest question. Lets get together. But you have never issued a direct invitation to me in your life. Throwing another vote in for a friendly Why? or Why, whats up? Assuming I like them, I usually say it with a smile or an inviting tone. Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. I love so hard your example in #3. BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant see into the future and neither can the people in my life. I didnt realize it until I noticed they were running a long-term experiment when they traveled of noting responses they said they like Canada and big chunks of northern and western US, because if they say theyre British, no one bats an eye despite their obvious Polish accents. It feels like a lot of just Use Your Words advice is setting people up for a shock when they realize that their coworkers or acquaintances are offput by it. In the UK I think some places greet each other with all right? all right? and nobody blinks an eye. But dont try to play us off against each other. Why is that worth it? What are you doing tomorrow? Vacuuming the cat. Try these OOO messages to let people know you're taking a break. Silly Friend: what are you doing this weekend? My family are a bunch of hyper-social weirdos for whom my introvert-ness is very confusing. WHAT WILL YOU DO AT THE WEEKEND?? Youll all be healthier and live longer if they learn some manners in how they treat you. It changed how I felt about her for a long time. I have a friend that would ask me what Im doing and when I say, Nothing the next thing is, Well, lets meet for lunch and then irritation and shock when I say Id rather not. Auto-reply email sample: Hi [first_name], Thanks so much for reaching out! What did _you_ have in mind?. This is about the blandest, most banal small talk question I can think of.). Theres an element of contempt to it, that this is what you would be doing with your time. Whenever people accept this answer, I know I am dealing with human beings who understand their goodness as a constant learning process. (And this is all, of course, assuming I dont want to go. Bye. ooh. I love that you are into mountain biking! People on a dating site who ask what youre up to on Thursday are not literally asking what youre doing Thursday. (And if you are Susie, forget about it!). Why insist on these parental avenues of control and dominance over another adult, when it has already harmed your relationship and can only do more harm? Any fun plans? And Im sorry for that. Again with the caveat that you have to tell the person whom youve used as an excuse that youve done so! Clearly, I am not giving him the answer he wants, but I dont particularly want to keep having the conversation. I'm sorry I can't really talk right now. I still have the same question of why do this? Your radishes that you consider joint family radishes because everyone could eat them? Personally what works for me to feel non-imposed-upon is for someone to either tell me I have time to think about it, say hey if you cant I understand or similar, and generally act like they care about my opinions, feelings, and consent. Wondering why you're in here. If I have no specific plans, she thinks my time is hers (but you said you were doing nothing! and she likes to be like cousin in example 3, re her children doing lots of stuff for her because thats what good kids are supposed to do (and if were not performing like good kids, then shes a bad mother ~guilt guilt~) and she doesnt like to ask directly* so it often comes across as manipulative or passive-aggressive). Although I have one co-worker who apparently does laundry on weekdays sometimes. How about you? If they push after that, theyre admitting theyre either not listening or not respecting my feelings. its BANK HOLIDAY?. But it can also just mean I love you and want to hear about things youre doing that youre excited about; it comes up all the time with friends who live far away! When I was a teen or an adult who looked like a teen, I was very fond of, Ill have to ask my mother. I had as little to do with my mother as possible at the time, but I noticed this response was great at making creepy guys shrivel up and slink off. You absolutely can. Im sure to him thats bewildering, but to me its bewildering that for so long he simply refused to choose to behave with appropriate respect. 3. Not always). On the other hand, there are the problem/dominance-related ones: 1. What are you doing this weekend? I suspect some of the people who are giving a vaguer yeah to the lets hang out have answered what they thought was an actual suggestion with Saturdays are good for me and gotten um, er, Im kind of busy these days, Ill call you and never hearing back. (beaming smile) (speaking a bit slowly) So you go on (big cheery gesture) on your own because youre interrupting our discussion time.. New day, old me, just doing routine stuff. Its a lot easier (for me anyway) to answer when I know what Im answering. "Better days are coming. Im in my late 50s and, frankly, my plans for the weekend are likely to be boring to this younger inquirer. They may be angling to invite you somewhere. Oh, stop it, will you? Have a Happy . I can vouch for this strategy! )/co-workers, who usually uses the So what are you doing this weekend? as an opener to telling me all the awesome stuff theyve planned for themself for the weekend. A: Thanks, you too. And if its clearly just conversation, (and you want to participate further) offer up something else, You're not obligated to tell others your plans for the future, if you even have them. If you're worried your co-workers or boss will assume you need more to do if you don't talk about your heavy workload, go for this response. Are you busy? When we nearly got evicted from our housing situation, I was critically busy trying to find an apartment for me and the housemates, and it kind of annoyed me to have friends pinging me like Heyyy, I miss you, can we get lunch this week, without finding out if I was actually available first. I dont feeling hes hitting on me exactly, though I am not answering in a way he likes/expects (am I supposed to be chatty bc Im young-ish and female? Tell me about you. Theres still room for her to refuse. What to Say: "Thank you, I had a great weekend.". If it is in fact a lead up to an invitation or request I can always either find room for it or say I dont have time. You are doing things and going places. Thats the kind of bullshit that is so often behind the oh Im so nice to your differentness behavior belief that you shouldnt be what you are, and that you probably did something not right to get there. I ask what are your plans for the weekend? *overwhelmingly* more often because Im genuinely curious: then they ask me, and we talk about our hobbies (or I say not much and we agree that laying around is nice.) Which is why weve all learned to use our words, though it takes some learning and there are still occasional misunderstandings. Dont do that to a friend. Assholes. Why not set up a rent in dollars or set hours of work, and have done? "When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark." 2. ), This is one of those times where having a live-in or serious SO/partner/spouse is super convenient. It doesnt matter if those plans are eating candy while watching Netflix with no pants on, they technically are plans. Flying in a rocket ship. I also think that most of the people I hang out with get this, and with the exception of more formal plans, would agree. - Ogden Nash - Old timers, weekends, and airplane landings are alike. Opposite of what I want . During [business_hours] that's usually within a couple of hours. Why, whatve you got? with a tone implying that weekends are always full of important adulting chores that I really dont want to do, but adults gotta adult, you know? Texting or sending an email to someone. Fill in the gaps using the correct form of Future Simple Tense. This one calls for what I call the Gladys response, because I saw it articulated by a woman named Gladys. It always makes me a little uncomfortable, because Im not used to grocery store cashiers asking me how I am. Here are some of the most humorous replies to "How are you?" Table of contents: I'm Better on the inside than I Look on the outside Can't Complain. Its real. Im planning an event on Day, are you free? (this one may not be my wheelhouse anyway, no translation needed. I sympathize with their reasons for having trouble planning, but I also do find it a little irksome that they only initiate actual plans once a year for their birthday while still making all the sounds about wanting to hang out. But if someone says what are you doing tomorrow night and I say painting my toenails in front of Netflix, that leaves me without a graceful out. So in the next day or two, perhaps on some morning when you leave your house and shes there waiting for you, you tell her, firmly but cheerily with giant beaming smiles that the morning walks will be separate from now on because those are for you to have conversation with your children. Obviously Im talking here about people Im friendly with, not friend-friends, but I cant imagine having got to the stage of being friends with someone who was inclined to rebuff me expressing interest in their life. Yeah, my parents did that too. I have been thinking about this one for some time now, and Im stuck: What is a good response to What are you up to tonight / this weekend / next Thursday?. Read. Born and raised in the US, and I also think this is a weird question not to answer literally. I know its a common question and Im sure most people dont mean anything bad by it. #2 is a good point. Its the same here. Another is that people your daughters age and under have grown up under a level of surveillance never before seen in the entire history of the human species. Theres nothing bad with setting them and enforcing them, and if youre dealing with people who cant respect them, the question itself is not the biggest problem in the relationship. But the thing is that people who were born in other contries than here (Sweden) ask me where Im from all the time. One girl mentioned the How are you? and said shed learned not to answer it truthfully because people dont actually care. All of us Americans responded that, well no, its not that we dont actually care. You're confident and independent, but you still overthink this kind of stuff. Turning oxygen into carbon dioxide. If you use the same phrasing with suddenly a dramatically different meaning, its not other peoples fault if they dont know youve changed the meaning on them. Funny Ways to Respond to "How Are You?" Overworked and underpaid. What are you up to? for those I am not interested in carving out space for.).
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